Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Being married and dealing with this January crap

Today's song is a little dark, and rough around the edges. But, then, so am I these days. Talking to my mum between Christmas and New Year's, I told her that I didn't think I would deal with post-Christmas depression. But you know what, I think I am. Because I really did anticipate Christmas (partly because of Brent's crazy-Christmas-music-extravaganza that began in November). ;) And I also told myself that once the 2nd of January hit, I would begin on thesis writing FULL-OUT. Which, in turn, has stressed me out so bad that I can't sleep at night. Seriously. I don't need world crises to worry about, I create my OWN life-threatening earth-shattering issues. Who does that?? Brent and I have talked and talked and talked about this...rationally during the day when I can think rationally, and irrationally at night when I am freaking out about not being able to sleep. (More on this later). It comes down to 1) me needing to be disciplined to get work done so that I can be at peace with my accomplishments, 2) needing to rely on God for my strength NO MATTER WHAT and 3) needing to focus not on myself but on outside things. Caring about others and working for the betterment of the world. But most of all, this frustrating situation has made me love, appreciate and admire Brent's steadfastness. Because through all of my issues, he's stood by me like a rock. Thank God for Brent. So, without any further ado, Tom Waits' Please Call Me, Baby: The evening fell just like a star Left a trail behind You spit as you slammed out the door If this is love we're crazy As we fight like cats and dogs But I just know there's got to be more So please call me, baby Wherever you are It's too cold to be out walking in the streets We do crazy things when we're wounded Everyone's a bit insane I don't want you catching your death of cold Out walking in the rain I admit that I ain't no angel I admit that I ain't no saint I'm selfish and I'm cruel, but you're blind If I exorcise my devils Well my angels may leave too When they leave they're so hard to find We're always at each other's throats It drives me up the wall Most of the time I'm just blowing off steam And I wish to God you'd leave me And I wish to God you'd stay Life's so different than it is in your dreams.

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