Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Struggling through Lent
To be honest, Lent was a real challenge this year.
I struggled to care.
Struggled to remain awake.
Struggled to remain engaged with the world.
I realized that it's easier to give something up for Lent then to add something. To give something up doesn't require thought or imagination. You just give it up--eliminate it. To decide to add something takes far more energy. And I'm going to say my Lenten "addition" was a bit of a failure. I was relieved for Lent to come to an end.
If anything, Lent this year made me realize just how ugly, selfish and miserly I/mankind can be. This season of Lent felt dark and cruel. This feeling was echoed by my devotions. As I moved through the Gospel accounts, I was struck most of all by the sense of foreboding Christ must have experienced. He knew what was coming. He knew his friends would abandon him; that the crowds would turn against him. And he carried onward, traveled down that road of palm branches, towards that utter darkness and despair, because of that eternal light and joy on the other side.
And now, Easter has arrived. Christ has risen.
So, I continue to strive.
Strive to choose light.
To love actively.
Seek out and maintain friendships, rather than turtle myself inwards.
To seek God and faith and church.
To take a stand, put myself out there and not fear failure or judgement.
He is risen indeed.